Behind the Scenes : How to Make A Mean Dirt Cupcake

For an aspiring baker, not much is worse than throwing out 22 cupcakes. Unless those cupcakes are evidence of your greatest baking fail to date, in which case you immediately delete all photos and evidence you ever made them and then try not to publicly mourn all the beautiful wrappers you wasted. End. Of. Story.

Or, you suck it up and decide to share your great big, terrible, horrible, no good, very bad experience with the world  your blog followers. I mean, your life isn’t all sunshine and unicorns, now is it? Well neither is mine.

So let’s talk about last night. It started out so perfect: recipe in hand (or more accurately: recipe pulled up in an email I had sent to myself weeks ago), ingredients all in a row, spirits high, and Fleetwood Mac playing. Little did I know, I was ready for what would later become known as The Battle of the Red Velvet Cake.
But I didn’t know of the impending doom, so I was excited. I was even extra excited to use the vintage geese measuring cups my mom gave me. Look how cute they are all in a row, ready to help out! I can hardly stand it!
And then things only got better. I finally used the beautiful ceramic juicer I bought while I was in Gatlinburg last summer. Ahh yes: supporting handmade goods, overcoming my grudge against Red Velvet cake— things were going well!
And then I did something I never do: I followed a recipe exactly how it was written. I was attempting to make a Red Velvet Cake. But not just any Red Velvet Cake. I was not interested in a bland, toxic red excuse to eat cream cheese frosting. I wanted a vegan version of the historic cake I had come across in my research: rich brown sugar, a delicate crumb, and naturally red with a cooked flour frosting. So when it called for beets, I didn’t blink an eye.

I opened those babies up and was immediately mesmerized by the magenta goodness. “This might actually work,” I thought to myself. But having never eaten a beet before, I eagerly took a huge whiff of the can to see what I was getting into. Although it smelled like damp earth after a heavy rain, I didn’t blink an eye. I mean, I routinely made brownies from a can of black beans, how much worse could these beets be? 

So I threw them in the food processor and watched as they spun into a glorious red puree. I carefully added all the ingredients. I even sifted the dry into the wet to get my beautiful batter. Only thing to do now was a taste test! One lick of that spoon and my heart sank. But I didn’t give up! So what if it was a little tangy? That’s why most recipes called for buttermilk, vinegar, or lemon juice. It’s not like it’s supposed to be chocolate cake! I convinced myself it was supposed to be like that. Oh and the obvious dirt aftertaste? That would cook out. It. Totally. Would. So I baked them up, peering through the oven window to make sure they were rising. And boy, how the smell fooled me! Over the next 20 minutes my apartment was transformed into a small town cupcake shop! I was filled with hope when the timer went off. And I was so proud of those puffy, naturally red little cakes. I put in the second batch while the first cooled. As soon as it they were in the oven I reached for my masterpiece, pulled back the wrapper, and took a huge bite.

And as soon as it hit my tongue I spit it right back out. Right. In. The. Trash. How could something even taste SO BAD? How could something I made taste so bad? I had insulted myself. Oh, it was awful. It was like a moist, fluffy mudpie made with lemon juice instead of water. It was worse than the time one of the baker’s at work left the sugar out of the pumpkin cupcakes. It was simply embarrassing.

I wanted to give up. I gagged every time I looked into the kitchen at those sad, sad cakes staring back at me. If I didn’t have a special order of Red Velvet Cupcakes coming up in April for a friend’s mom’s birthday, then I probably would give up. But I have two cans of beets left, a few new recipes, more tips from various cake forums, and a huge grudge against Red Velvet Cake that I’m trying to fight. I just hope it’s enough to get me through the next month.

Vegan “Pigs” In A Blanket

As I was titling this post (super creative, huh?) I realized I have never actually had a “real” pig in a blanket. I never liked hot dogs, so I have steered clear of those babies since childhood. A few years ago, (after I discovered Pillsbury Crescent Rolls are vegan!) I came up with these Maple Sausages Crescent Rolls and they were so successful they have become a go-to item for potlucks and family gatherings. They are really simple to make and were a great addition to our thanksgiving plates this year!

Vegan “Pigs” In A Blanket

• A bit of canola oil & maple syrup for cooking
• 1 package Gimme Lean Veggie Sausage (or whatever you prefer!)
• 2 cans crescent rolls (I used the “off-brand” because I am cheap. Just don’t use whatever ones are “extra buttery” flavored, they are overwhelmingly similar to popcorn in flavor)

1. Preheat oven according to crescent roll instructions. Cut your veggie sausage into 16 pieces and start rolling. Heat a few tablespoons of oil in a saucepan on medium high while you finish the last few.

2. Once the oil is hot, carefully place your “pigs” in the pan. I used to carefully turn them all with a fork to make sure they cooked perfectly on every side, but these days I just sort of vigorously shake the pan every few minutes to make sure they aren’t sticking and so they roll around to cook pretty evenly.

3. Once they are nice and brown, pour a few tablespoons of syrup on top and let them simmer until they are coated evenly. (I don’t really measure this step, I just kind of go for it!)

4. Remove cooked veggie sausages from the pan and place on unrolled crescents. Roll them up and bake according to the package. Let cool a few minutes and enjoy! These babies will be perfect for your family gatherings the next few snowy months.

Blueberry Pie Coffee Cake

This vegan Apple Pie Coffee Cake is possibly one of my all-time favorite recipes. And even though it’s perfect just the way it is, I really enjoyed making (and inhaling) my slightly tweaked version of it. I only changed three things about this recipe:

1. I used one can of blueberry pie filling instead of apple
2. I squeezed the juice from 2 lemons into the batter, which explains why mine is not as dough-like as the original recipe:
3. And I sprinkled the top of mine with big ole cane sugar crystals instead of the cinnamon mixture (because let’s face it: lemon blueberry sounds soooo much better than cinnamon blueberry, amirite?) Mine still turned out pretty though:
Oh, and did I mention I used my new spring form pan that was a graduation gift to make this? Because I totally did (Yay, education!):
Moist, fluffy, AND sturdy! Maybe you should leave the predictable pumpkin pie up to someone else this year and surprise everyone with this vegan Lemon Blueberry Pie Coffee Cake on Thanksgiving instead? It’s a real mouthful.

A Very Colorful Birthday

When I was in Gatlinburg this summer, I met a lot of wonderful people. Luckily, one of my roommates while I was there happened to be from the same town as me, so even though we have both left, we still get to hangout.

Kayla is one of the few people I have met that not only has similar interests as me, but just as much energy as I do. We even got to to take a pop-up bookmaking class together (you can see her awesome book here).

We also don’t take ourselves too seriously:

I knew I had to make something special for her 21st birthday, so I decided on these Rainbow Nerds Cupcakes from Confessions of a Cookbook Queen. After all, what’s more grown up than Kool-Aid and nerds baked into sweets?

I am not a fan of grape, so I tweaked this recipe a bit. I used this vanilla cupcake recipe and this frosting recipe and I didn’t put any nerds in the batter. Besides that I tried to stick to the original but I failed and used regular Kool-Aid instead of the instant kind, and let me tell you, these babies are sour! They taste exactly like nerds: TANGY!

Even though I technically made these wrong, they were still a lot of fun (and I learned a great deal). I mean, each one looks like a little party!

I really recommend branching out and trying this recipe. I can’t even imagine how much more awesome they would be if had done them correctly so make sure you get the right stuff! I just feel like the regular ‘ole vanilla/chocolate cupcakes can get a little boring; it’s nice to try something that’s more of a novelty treat.

What do you do when you botch a new recipe? Start over? Serve it anyway? Compost it? I’d love to hear your thoughts!